13 Things Your Burglar Won't Tell You...

[Laveau]

13 Things Your Burglar Won't Tell You....


1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your
carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.
　
2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in
your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window
to make my return a little easier.
　
3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste ... and taste
means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave
out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.
　
4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And
I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it
takes you to remove it.
　
5. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car
and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a
dead giveaway.
　
6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your
alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set.
That makes it too easy.
　
7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the
windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom-and
your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.
　
8. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to
lock your door-understandable. But understand this: I don't take a day
off because of bad weather.
　
9. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions
somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)
　
10. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always
check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.
　
11. Helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms.
　
12. You're right: I won't have enough time to break into that safe
where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it
with me.
　
13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm
system. If you're reluctant to leave your TV on while you're out of town, you
can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the
flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at
faketv.com <http://faketv.com/>;
　
8 MORE THINGS A BURGLAR WON'T TELL YOU:
　
1. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy
and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.
　
2. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.
　
3. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If
your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and
wait to hear it again. If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back
to what he was doing. It's human nature.
　
4. I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a
fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?
　
5. I love looking in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you're
home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I'd like. I'll drive
or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the
blinds, just to pick my targets.
　
6. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier
than you think to look up your address.
　
7. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a
way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it's an invitation.
　
8. If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I
hit the jackpot and walk right in.

FACEBOOK ALERT:
TELL YOUR KIDS/GRANDKIDS NOT TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD YOU WILL BE GOING AWAY, NOT EVEN FOR THE DAY........
.............EVEN ADULTS INNOCENTLY DON'T KNOW, THEY BEING WATCHED BY PROFESSIONAL BURGLAR FACEBOOK READERS

1. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier than you think to look up your address.
　

[MayfairLover]

A little Common Sense goes a LONG way.
But alas, I do believe people are devoid of such things...
They're too busy clutching their cellphones or ipods with their heads stuck up their asses.

[Redundant]

Fuck it. Get a dog and a fucking gun.

[scorpiorose]

Originally Posted by Redundant

Fuck it. Get a dog and a fucking gun.

A dog can be shot or poisoned, and sadly, because we live in the nanny city of Philadelphia, anyone who actually uses a legally registered gun can have the law turned against them by leftist judges. This is especially true if you happen to be White.

Not only that, if you do shoot a perp in your home, their fambly can come after you (I do believe that when you are involved in a situation like that, your address becomes a matter of record.) Amazingly, you can also be sued by the perp, if you injure him on your premises while he is trying to rob you (there have been cases of this happening, and liberal judges ruling in the favor of the perp!!)

I'm NOT against guns by any means, but I do recognize the problems inherent in owning one legally, yet living in a leftard communist state like NJ or a leftard nanny city like Philly. Its best, if you're going to own a gun for self-defense, to live in a city or state that recognizes and supports the right of the citizen to use it.

Thing is, those areas don't usually have crime rates high enough to require you TO use them!

[square heads]

You can do all of the above or,,,do like we did,,move.

[MayfairLover]

Ain't no niggahs drivin' me outa MY home!.... no way no how!, child! LOL

[Redundant]

Originally Posted by MayfairLover

Ain't no niggahs drivin' me outa MY home!.... no way no how!, child! LOL

They're afraid of dogs and can't shoot worth a fuck. Fuck 'em!

[square heads]

It's funny how jigs are afraid of dogs. I have two good size German Shepherds and when I walk with them I feel like Mosses at the Red Sea. If there is a bunch of jigs on the walk way they part just like the sea did in the Bible. Some even scream and jump in the street,,,Hee Hee.
We were at Knobles one time with the dogs and one of mine has a natural dislike for darkys. There were two darkys walking our way going what they do best. Being loud and shrill. Anyway as Chimpena and Chimpette passed us the dog lit up and roared at them. They started flapping their arms and squaking like chickens and ran.
One of the guards at the park came over to us and said,,
Good dogs,,( NOTE, they were the only chimps there) How they got there is a mistery.
Our home was never broken into. It may have been the dogs or maybe we were just lucky.
However the threat of a break in was always there. That is half the problem in Phila. The constant threat of problems. It wears on you. I say it is a hidden cost of life in the city. Constant stress from worry.
A short time ago I went for a check up at the doctor up here and I was tickeled pink at the results.
Blood pressure, down to a very good level. better than it has been in 20 years.
What changed? way less stress.

[Laveau]

They seem to be afraid of cats, too.

[MayfairLover]

LOL, once we had a Chihuahua named Butch, and that little dog hated the nigger meter readers.
Them jigs always shuddered in horror as that dog circled them, growling.
I thought it was funny as shit.